Retrostone

Oh Retrostone! I've been trying to avoid you because I know I'll end up buying all kinds of shit. I'd just ended a kind of discouraging work day, I'd had wine coolers and painkillers, and one of the girls working there is so pretty, and she's Taiwanese so she chatted with me in Mandarin, and she had the cutest braces smile...ah! I was a goner. She triggered the 40% of me that's gay, which apparently is connected to the percent of me that does impulse spending. Oh well.

There are 3 Retrostone shops: 2 in Causeway Bay and 1 in Mong Kok. I've put their addresses and phone numbers at the bottom of this entry. Retrostone is open from 2 to 1030 daily. This is one of their shops in Causeway Bay. It's in the same building as Island Wake, so you enter through the door with the arrow sign above it on the bottom right of the picture.

On the way up.

It's a pretty typical vintage shop, although I should note that there are a lot of non-vintage items, as well. They're just kind of retro-looking, you know?

There's a huge amount of t-shirts and denim, as well as jackets. Unfortunately, vintage is not cheap in Hong Kong, and the shirts start at about HKD200. The jackets can go up to HKD1500. Dresses are in the HKD300 to HKD700 range.

I wish they hadn't hemmed this shirt into a belly shirt. Instead, they should have just taken in the sides to make it less boxy.

I ended up spending way too much. Tsk on me! But I've been looking for a red leather jacket for ages, and I couldn't let this one go. It was on sale for HKD790, and it seemed like a fair enough price. The jacket is in perfect condition, it's dead stock so it's never been worn, and the leather is really soft.

And really, anyone who's grown up in the 1980s has a secret desire to own a Michael Jackson red jacket.

It's too bad it's pretty much summer already because I fucking love this jacket.

Retrostone also carries band shirts from Amplified. You know, it's so hard to find good-fitting shirts that aren't boxy and made of cheap cotton. These were just lovely in terms of quality. My only beef is the limited selection of musicians. Rolling Stones? Overdone. Michael Jackson? Okay, acceptable but they didn't have Thriller or Off the Wall. Lady Gaga? I'm not wearing a shirt featuring someone younger than me. Blondie? Also acceptable, but they didn't have my size. Guns N' Roses? Well...I did like their music a lot when I was a kid, but I just can't wear a shirt from a band that doesn't have Slash and only has Asshole Rose now. And I don't do ironic fashion.

David Bowie was the most respectable choice, not just for his music and style, but, of course, for Labyrinth, which I think is how most kids my generation know about him. The power of voodoo! (Who do? You do!)

Yes, I'm a dork.

Also, back in university, I was on the honour roll (unbelievable, I know) and there was this annual ceremony where you would get your certificate. It was really pompous and all my fellow nerds took that shit way too seriously, dressing up in formal wear. I mean, really?? I thought it would be hilarious to go as Bowie during his Thin White Duke phase. I wore a vintage all-white suit and bleached my hair (which was short and probably blue at the time) white blonde. My professors loved it, one of them gave me a thumbs up during the ceremony. My fellow nerds didn't really like it, though.

I also liked this shirt because you wear it inside out. Love it! T-shirt was on sale for HKD189, and I think I might have gotten a further discount, not sure why. I'm contemplating burning holes in the shirt to age it further, but I haven't decided yet.

I also ended up buying this Bowie t-shirt dress, also by Amplified. I think it was around HKD300, not sure because of the sale. It's basically a giant wifebeater. Very comfortable, I'll probably be wearing this a lot during summer. I also just realized that there's a mouth on my crotch.

Haha, I love Chabi's expression.

I guess the clothes were worth it. Perhaps I shouldn't have stepped foot in Retrostone in the first place, but I decided recently that since I'm usually so gross and sweaty during summer, I should just dress according to the theme of post-apocalyptic fashion, and I thought I'd stock up on a couple of items. Since last week, I've been slowly looking more and more disheveled, which has really startled a lot of people. People keep asking me if I'm feeling okay, and I keep saying, "Do you know how much hairspray I used to make my hair look like this?"

Anyway, this was such a rambling entry. Sorry. Retrostone can be found at the following places:
1/F, 504 Lockhart Road, Causeway Bay, telephone: 2838 6419
2/F, 1 Cannon Road, Causeway Bay, telephone: 3107 9131
Basement Trendy Zone, B28, Mong Kok, telephone: 852 2152 9697

I managed to get a VIP card, which entitles me to 10% to 20% off. If I know you, I'll let you know how to use my VIP status.

Island Wake

Now this is the type of sports that I can relate to. It may surprise some people who see my blinding, corpse-toned skin, but I actually love scuba diving, swimming and surfing. I was going to say water sports, but I think that would attract more perverts to this blog.

You can actually surf in Hong Kong -- the waves are best near Big Wave Bay (obviously), but it's fucking hard to get there. There's also surfing in Lantau, but the waves are best for good surfers (I'm basically a beginner, alas). I would actually go there and take some pictures but I'm sort of banned because I drowned and caused a lot of trouble. Never fix your hair while standing with your back to a big wave while you're attached to a surf board.

Although, really, you know, I didn't stay dead for long, you'd think people wouldn't overreact so much. Check out my injuries, though!

This is my leg, by the way. Yes, that's the closest I can get to a tan. I didn't bother taking any other pictures of my body, but I had some pretty crazy bruises along my back, ribs and arms, too. Hehehe, good times.

Anyway, there are a few places in Hong Kong where you can get equipment and clothing, and Island Wake is one of them. Island Wake is housed at 3 Cannon Street in Causeway Bay (exit D from the MTR). The building is home to quite a few good shops, including Retrostone, subject of an upcoming entry.

See the arrow? That's where the building entrance is.

So, as you can see, Island Wake also covers snowboarding and wakeboarding. I only went to the fashion and style shop because I figured that most people reading this blog wouldn't need to see pictures of wakeboards and things like that. If you already do these sports, you'll already know what you want to buy, and you just need the address of the shop, anyway, right? Or am I totally rationalizing my laziness?

Anyway, I should note that 1 Cannon Street and 3 Cannon Street share the same entrance, so basically, all three shops are in the same building.

They have all the usual stuff: hats, watches, belts. The staff are mostly these really tanned and sporty-looking dudes. They're really nice and are multilingual.

I browsed the bikinis, but wasn't really impressed. These are more for just hanging out, rather than doing something active, and I'm not about to drop HKD700 for something that I'd only wear for lounging around. Ugh, this is when my penis envy asserts itself. Why must guys be perverts and like looking at breasts? Why can't women's breasts just be asexual? It would be so nice to just wear bottoms and not worry about putting on a shirt or a bra or a bikini top.

Funeral Accessories

It's Qing Ming tomorrow, which means that most of us will be trekking out to cemeteries to tidy up graves and give offerings to our ancestors. Since I don't have any in Hong Kong, I will be spending the holiday drinking cold sake (it's warm enough to enjoy them now) and pouring a little bit for my homies up in heaven. Not a lot, though.

In honour of Qing Ming, I thought I'd do a little entry about Chinese funerals. Some people might not know that part of a Chinese funeral is burning things like paper money, paper houses, etc. that you can bring with you to Hell. We don't have Heaven, by the way, because we believe in reincarnation, so you have to go to Hell to hang out for a while, and then you get reborn. Hell isn't the same thing as it is in the West, it's not necessarily about eternal damnation and being poked in da rass with a pitchfork. I guess our concept of Hell is closer to the ancient Greek notion of Hades.

Anyway, so funeral paper accessories have gotten fancier and fancier because people be wanting some swag to take with them. I thought it would be interesting for people to see what the latest in funeral accessories is.

First we got the traditional stuff: incense sticks and those paper bags that are full of paper money.

When you're in Hell, you need to grab your boombox and hit the turbo bass!

Alright, I know it wasn't a boombox, but come on, how could I resist posting that video?

And of course, you need a limo and a chauffeur. I wonder if this poor dude knew what his picture was being used for. My friends reading this: when I die, please burn me a lowrider with hydraulics. It would be HILARIOUS.

Of course, you gotta stay connected, so you need your cellphones and shit. There was an iPhone and Blackberry somewhere, but I didn't bother searching for it. There are also laptops and iPads and whatever else because, obviously, Facebook exists in Hell.

And you gotta take some snacks with you because it's going to be a Hell of a trip. Yes, I'm going to pop a painkiller now and stop.

And of course, you need a baller house straight out of MTV Cribs! Again, my dear friends, please watch that show for Babyface's house and burn me a replica of that. Check out the demure lady that comes with the house who can stand for a mistress or a maid, whichever suits you more. I also like the satellite dish, dog and swimming pool. Dudes, please burn me a bunch of young men swimming in the pool, too! Just Photoshop the pictures of the actors in Takashi Miike's Crows, and we'll be cool. And of course, you need to gate all that swag and keep the poor riffraff who don't have relatives to burn nice shit for them out.

Of course, you need your lakefront property, with yacht and, weirdly, a rowboat. When my paternal grandfather died, I didn't make it to the funeral (I have no idea where I was at the time. Canada? Italy? The US? Who can remember?), so I didn't get to see what kind of swag he had. My brother told me later that he had this Barbie Dream House-type stuff, including a harem of Barbies.

My brother: I think he's going to be really disappointed to find a bunch of white women waiting for him.

And you gotta keep your bitches looking boss, so there are some designer bags and shoes for them, too.

And you can't forget a futuristic chair massager. Jesus, does that thing exist in real life? It looks like the chair that killed Goose in Top Gun.

You can see a lot of shops like this along Queen's Road West.

利工民織造廠 Lee Kung Man Knitting Factory

Jesus, what a name. 利工民織造廠 or the Lee Kung Man Knitting Factory (HK) Ltd shop was a recommendation by my friend, NY, after I said that I didn't really know what to write for men's clothing.

Lee Kung Man is a venerable establishment that has been around for decades, providing undershirts and other accessories to clients including Chow Yun Fat and Bruce Lee. Incidentally, don't ever ask me about Bruce Lee because I honestly don't see the point of that dude. Big fucking deal he did martial arts. So did a lot of other people, and I don't see their statues being built. What, I'm supposed to be happy that white otakus and insecure Asian Americans love him and that he married some white broad and was fucking a Chinese piece on the side? Er, I don't think so.

Once, this French person said to me, "I love le Dragon, Bruce Lee!"
Me: Who the fuck is Bruce Lee? Is he a ninja?

In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm kind of an asshole.

Alright, let's get to Lee Kung Man! I passed by their Sheung Wan branch on the way to work.

I really don't know what else to say. I'm not really an undershirt-wearer, but I touched the fabric and it felt quite nice. Very soft and lightweight. Jesus, look at all those boxes! The obsessive-compulsive in me is pleased.

Shirts are really cheap, starting at under HKD40 and not costing more than HKD200. If I were a dude, I would probably rock my shirts with those lucky gold chains, old jeans and slippers. Yeah, that's right, SLIPPERS. Plastic Hello Kitty ones, too. It's too bad I'm a biological female, I would make such an awesome guy.

Lee Kung Man has branches all over Hong Kong:
224 Johnston Road (in Wan Chai): 2572 8834
111 Wing Lok Street (in Sheung Wan): 2543 8579
188 Nam Cheong Street ( in Shek Kip Mei): 2777 2439
505 Shanghai Street (in Yau Ma Tei): 2384 0270

Buttonhole

I used to live across the street from Buttonhole in Soho, and to be honest, I used to give a lasercut-side eye at the staff all the time because they would use the very narrow first floor landing of my building as a place to repair and sort out incoming stock.

Oh well, I'm not such an asshole anymore, I think. Buttonhole is famous for selling designer stuff at quite a low price. The clothing is aimed for an older market, but you'll see quite a lot of nice stuff there, as well. Would you believe that sleeveless white dress with vintage print is a Roberto Cavalli?? That dress is so me, but I decided not to get it because of that reason. I don't want to be stuck in a style rut.

Tsk! Look at this dude walking into my shot. I wanted the Other Dude to go and kick her ass (the OD is an amateur kickboxer who's recently won a fight), but the OD wasn't in the mood.

The OD bought this Alexander McQueen coat. Beautiful, isn't it? She got it for about HKD1800.

I was touched when I told the OD that I liked this Herve Leger dress, and she said to me that I was better than that.

The OD: That's so not you! Herve Leger is for rich Desperate Housewives-type women who are trying too hard to be sexy by looking like strippers.
Me: Well...that kind of sounds like me, minus the rich part.
The OD: You're just skanky, but you're not a wannabe.

Aw, I was seriously touched! But I actually would wear Herve Leger. But I think I would wear it more like a goth stripper after an eight-hour shift, with a crazy bouffant and my bondage cuffs.

Some of the things I've purchased at Buttonhole. I got this straitjacket sweater years and years ago. It was rather expensive, if I recall correctly, it was about HKD300 or so. It used to be blindingly white, but it's gone yellow with age, which I actually like. This outfit is just a casual look, with vintage plaid skirt, bondage collar and my red Michelle Mason clogs. Sorry for the awkward posing. I was perching on the table again.

Oh, I love those shoes so much! I got them at the now-gone Sistyr Moon in Central almost 10 years ago. They are terrible to walk in but so beautiful.

And I got this Manoush dress for HKD419. The price is really good, isn't it? Such a pretty dress!

I'm wearing Costume National beige slingbacks with a silver heel. These shoes are obviously a size too big for me, but they were on sale at On Pedder for only HKD150. For Costume National! I had to get them, and anyway, with gel inserts, they fit okay.

I feel like a Tord Boontje lamp in the dress.

Image taken from here

Actually, when I wear it out, I think I'll take my inspiration from Alan Moore's Swamp Thing (does anyone have a copy of the whole Alan Moore run they can lend me? I only ever read a couple of issues). I'm thinking...braids wrapped around my head, my silver crown of thorns, red eyeliner. Don't you love thematic dressing?

Taken from here

Can I just take this moment to declare how amazing I think Alan Moore is? And he supports libraries and goldsmiths!

Taken from here

Buttonhole is at 68-70 Peel Street in Soho, at least for now until the crazy rents drive them away.

ps. A little bit of Chabi for you: